when it doesn't work.

In the last month or so, two of my dearest friends ended {long-term} long-distance relationships. I hate hearing the pain in their voices because I know just how much they deeply loved {and cared for} their other halves. With respect for their privacy, I won't reveal much more about their particular situations...but I will give a few words on the topic of what happens when a relationship just doesn't work.

{Image via weheartit}

I can't profess to be an expert on relationships. After all, I have a degree in American Studies, not psychology. I do, however, love my friends--and internalize the pain they experience on the other side of the break-up. As a "survivor" of a long-distance relationship, I find {from observing the experiences of my friends} that they are, in many ways, more difficult to end than if you're in the same city. {Granted, if you're living together, that is an entirely different story...} Let me explain why:

So many times, in long-distance situations, everything is peachy keen when you're together. You trudge through the times when you're apart that may not always be as great, simply because the time you have when you're together is so wonderful. In essence, you block out what is dysfunctional in the hopes that the glitches are only because you're not in the same place. 

{Image via weheartit}

I don't think there is an certain recipe for success except this one: having trust in one another. {Strangely, in both cases with my friends, trust wasn't the core issue, but bear with me here.} I had what could best be described as a pseudo-long-distance relationship through my first two years of college. {b} and I graduated high school together, but he stayed in Indiana for school, while I was studying in DC. 

I had very little trust in the fact that {b} would be true to me, even though I romanticized that he was. It's amazing to me to look back on that experience and recognize where we had it wrong. Though he wasn't concerned about my loyalty to him, my lack of faith in him was absolutely the reason we didn't succeed.

{b} and I are still friends--and I'm sure we always will be. We learned a lot from each other. He will be a perfect catch for someone else, but {b} just wasn't right for me. I will always be grateful for that point of view I gained during those years of my life {and the time it took me to realize it} because I got the most incredible gift on the other end: my husband. I truly and honestly count my blessings every day.

As an interesting aside, I heard about a crazy study by David McCandless and Lee Bryon, while listening to the radio en route to work this morning. Check out this graph, showing where facebook statuses correlated with break-ups over the course of a year:

{Graph included via screenshot from Information is Beautiful}

{Hard to believe just how many break-ups happened on Mondays. Ouch. As Kristy Korcz inferred, it's probably due to weekend fights...or, by my perception, in long-distance situations, when the other party finally goes home. Thank you for indulging my geeky side who loves graphs.}

In any case, I wish I could tell you the magic formula for surviving long-distance or for having a successful relationship. The reality is that it's different for everyone, including my two best friends. As I told each of them, this time will not be easy, but it will be worth it when someone else comes along... 

So, there may be break-ups along the way...but thankfully, we have best friends...and Ben & Jerry's.

{Image via weheartit}

Enjoy your night, my friends...

thanks for listening :)

xoxo {av}